By Kari Ehmer
Mindset Coach, Motivational Speaker, and Army Veteran

Walk onto any youth practice field or gym, and you’ll hear some version of this:

“I’m not good at this.”
“I can’t do that.”
“I’ll never be as fast as her.”

These are the quiet echoes of a fixed mindset, the belief that talent is static, effort doesn't matter, and mistakes equal failure. And it’s one of the biggest barriers keeping young athletes from reaching their full potential.

But with a small shift in language, both from coaches and parents, we can help kids develop a growth mindset, where effort, learning, and persistence become the true markers of success.

Praise the Process, Not Just the Outcome

One of the most powerful ways we shape mindset is through the way we praise and recognize young athletes.

Too often, praise sounds like:

• “You’re such a natural!”

• “You’re the best player out there!”

• “Wow, you never mess up!”

While well-meaning, this type of praise centers on talent and perfection, which can backfire. Kids praised for being "naturally good" often become afraid to fail, because they think failure means they’re not good anymore.

Instead, try this:

• “I’m proud of how hard you worked in that drill.”

• “You kept going even when it got tough.”

• “You took a risk today — that takes courage.”

When we recognize effort, strategy, and progress, we help kids build a growth mindset. They begin to understand that their abilities can grow with work, and that improvement matters more than instant success.

Small Wins Matter — Especially When the Team Isn’t Winning

So many young athletes, especially in elementary and middle school, are working so hard just to belong. They want to please their coach. Make their parents proud. Feel accepted by teammates. And that pressure can be heavy.

That’s why it’s essential to recognize the small wins even when the scoreboard says otherwise.

Wins like:

• Diving for a loose ball, even if they didn’t come up with it.

• Taking a shot they were afraid to try earlier in the season.

• Welcoming a new teammate who was standing alone.

• Helping another athlete learn a new skill.

These are all signs of growth, leadership, and confidence and they deserve to be celebrated.

When a team is struggling or going through a losing season, these moments keep kids mentally engaged and emotionally resilient. They reinforce that growth is still happening. That they’re developing the skills, athletic, mental, and interpersonal that will pay off in the long run.

As a coach or parent, take time after games and practices to say,

“I saw the way you encouraged your teammate after that mistake.”
“That shot you took, that was bold! You wouldn’t have tried that last month.”
“You were diving for balls today like crazy. That kind of hustle matters.”

Kids light up when they feel seen. Especially when the recognition goes beyond stats and taps into who they’re becoming.

Shift to “YET” Thinking

It’s almost universal. Somewhere in your gym or on your field, a kid is saying:

“I’m not good at math.”
“I can’t shoot with my left hand.”
“I don’t know how to do that.”

It’s a coachable moment. Help them add one small word:

YET.

“I’m not good at math... YET.”
“I can’t shoot with my left hand... YET.”
“I don’t know how to do that... YET.”

This tiny mindset shift reminds kids that learning is a process, not a destination. It reinforces that struggle is normal and that skill is built, not born.

As a coach, your language matters. Try swapping:

• “You either have it or you don’t.” → “You can build this with practice.”

• “She’s just a natural.” → “She’s worked hard to get where she is.”

• “You’re not good at that.” → “You’re getting better every time you try.”

The more we normalize progress over perfection, the more kids will stay in the game mentally and emotionally, even when it’s hard.

Reframing Mistakes as Learning Moments: Real-World Coaching Examples

Here are some quick coach scripts to use after common youth sport mistakes:

Missed shot:

“That was the right decision. Keep taking those, the makes will come.”

Dropped pass or error:

“I love that you were ready and moving. Let’s work on technique next rep.”

Emotional frustration:

“It’s okay to feel frustrated. That means you care. Let’s use that energy to improve.”

Visible nerves:

“You’re stepping into something new, that’s brave. Let’s breathe and try again.”

By normalizing setbacks and connecting them to effort and growth, we teach kids that mistakes are not dead ends, they’re doorways to improvement.

Final Thought

We want our athletes to love the game. To stay confident, committed, and courageous even when it’s tough.

That starts with how we speak to them.

A growth mindset isn’t just a buzzword. It’s a life skill, one that fuels resilience, performance, and long-term success. And it starts with us: parents, coaches, and mentors who choose to see potential, praise progress, and remind kids that who they’re becoming is always more important than a single moment of success or failure.

About the Author:
Kari is a Motivational Speaker, Mindset Coach, and Mentor. She is the Founder of Kari Ehmer Speaking and Coaching, helping athletes and coaches build confidence, resilience, and the mindset to thrive under pressure. A West Point grad, Army veteran, and former D1 athlete, Kari brings 20+ years of experience in performance coaching, leadership, and sports. Learn more at www.kariehmer.com and follow @kariehmer on Instagram.

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